Have we made church too soft?

Jesus: A Real Man

I read an article today discussing the church’s impotence (not a random choice of words) when it comes to attracting men towards church membership and involvement. I remember this very discussion in seminary and doubted it, until I realized I was sitting in a room with more doilies and china cabinets then Bibles.

So I wonder, is church too girly?

Recently our church ran a dodgeball league for adults (infiltrated by some youth for fun’s sake) to help get them in shape, build relationships and create a “safe” venue for people to enter church. In fact, one of the whole goals of sports ministry is to give a place for active, competitive people to learn about and experience community and God’s grace. Overall, this whole experiment was great. We had new people coming in the doors, we had people meeting each other for the first time, everything was going well. But soon we realized how competition overwhelms people and we freaked out! We probably overreacted to some of it, but we were so nervous that new people to the church would think that Christians just yelled at each other all the time, or didn’t really practice grace towards others or in their lives.

But reflecting on this experience in light of the question above, I wonder if we are too soft?

I know a camp in Georgia that encourages the guy counselors to teach their young men how to wrestle, tackle and other “manly” things so that they will be fearless warriors for Jesus (John Eldredge, you can get excited). So by discouraging the emotion that happens during competition are we limiting the opportunities for men to enter into church?

The answer might be yes. The answer might also be no. Let me tell you why:

Yes:
-we encourage men to not have to conform to 1950’s stereotypes of toughness, they might actually get to cry once in a while. While this is helpful ultimately, it tends to make some new men into the church turned off about being without any “real men” friends.
-in our appropriate sermons on God’s love and grace, it sounds as though God is a cuddly teddy bear to take running through the fields. For some reason men like expectations and consequences, and taking those away from God makes God a sissy.
-church is traditionally a place to sit still and listen. A lot of people like to be active, men especially.
-we like everyone to get along, sometimes, for whatever reason, men like to wrestle and fight.

No:
-see reason 1 under yes. Jesus cried openly when his friend died. Are we tougher than Jesus? Today’s man needs to deconstruct stereotypes and try and be more like Jesus rather than cultural expectations.
-Jesus really was about peace, grace and forgiveness. If you need a Jesus that goes in the UFC octagon to duke out the Pharisees, you’re not going to find it. However, Jesus was aggressive, ambitious and in your face. Maybe we should stop trying to make Jesus a bunny rabbit.
-church does not have to be a place to sit still (even if you could use it every now and then), because getting involved in missions, teaching, and all sorts of other things require you to be active with your brains and muscles.
-if you are afraid of love as something too soft, you probably need to focus on more relationships than just your relationship with God. You might need to rethink that.

I will be the first one to mention that churches are too docile. We come for an hour and sit and listen to people sing and preach, then go to Sunday school or Bible study and sit and talk. Although, there are probably some people who could put a little more effort into their singing and would get a lot more energy out of it. But why can’t worship be centered around activity? Why can’t we challenge people more with tasks in the week or even to get done Sunday morning? Why don’t we take that aggression and put it to a good task?

For the men out there looking for competition and aggressive church, I’m with you. But I’m totally against you if you want to use those natural characteristics for domination or embarrassment. Even if we’re playing dodgeball, trying to win an ice cream social or playing ‘who can sing the loudest’ there is nothing about Jesus that is demeaning to another. There is also nothing about Jesus that tells us to argue for our own benefit. But if you want to use your “manly” characteristics for good, come see me. I’ll challenge you with evangelism, with teaching, with leadership, with mission and with disciplined living. If you want a challenge, Jesus will give it to you…if you’re not afraid to leave your preconditions behind you.

Jesus is no sissy.